Jagex 3 - 7 Long Road Rangers
Fardell (GK), Scottish Dave, Daz, Dan Crick, Pete Simmonds, Scott, Sweatman, Usman, Pete Lovell, Ash, Jamie Brooks - Subs - Danno, Simon Lait
The Jagex team this week turned up for the expected spanking bearing yet another unfamiliar lineup. Pete Lovell had scoured the highways and byways of Cambridgeshire, Suffolk and possibly Norfolk in an effort to bring a full XI to a pitch, and he wasn't going to disappoint, with several new faces appearing. My own journey to the game was somewhat impaired, when a few horses escaped a horsebox on the A14 and caused traffic chaos. In all seriousness, you couldn't make it up. I miss living in the city where this sort of thing doesn't happen. Ever.
Danno was late. We postulated that he might have got lost on his highly publicised (well, on Facebook) dog walk from Saturday am. When he eventually got to the pitch some 2 minutes before kick-off, he was told that the kit was in the changing room. Gutted. At least we had what seemed to be the first genuine day of spring on our hands, and the familiar environs of Coldhams Common. Ash, normally a Long Road regular, had volunteered to help us out, and started on the left.
As expected, Long Road started on top, and Jagex were forced to defend some early corners. Daz was in his familiar role as loudest man at the back, and was aided by Dan Crick and Scottish Dave, with Pete Simmonds cutting across to help from left back. A couple of corners came to nothing before Fardell made a bit of a hash of one from the right, pushing it back for another corner from the left. The resulting corner was somehow brought down casually by the long road ginger lad up front, before being welted in from all of 8 yards with no challenge or pressure from any Jagex players. This chap fancied himself for much of the game and would have had more goals, had he not spent so much time faffing about in an effort to execute the perfect turn and finish (which he did finally manage in the end).
Jagex could have wilted at this point, but didn't. Scott had to run off to allow Danno on, and the slight change in shape helped free up some space in the centre of the park. Sweatman on the right suffered one absolute full blooded challenge, which is something his silky skills occasionally results in, and stayed down for a bit. Danno then interchanged with Usman and Ash nicely, freeing the latter. Ash did some great work on the left before feeding it back to Usman, who in turn put Jim "The Predator" Sweatman through. He finished by smashing it into the ground and over the keeper, but was full on poleaxed for this trouble and stayed down for a good while to try and recover. 1-1.
The result of the first half was very much lots of little tussles. Fardell punched one clear and made a good save for another. Daz was winning many headers at the back and was generally just making a loud nuisance of himself. There was some good tracking back from Danno, Jamie Brooks and Simon Lait. Pete Simmonds was having a cracking game at left back and was helping drive some of the limited Jagex attacks down the left, working with Ash. Pete was being a pain, as ever, winning balls in the air and chipping them into corners for people to run onto. Dan Crick also made some vital interceptions. Pete even managed to get an attacking header of sorts directed over the goal. A Long Road player also hit an absolute scorcher from 25 yards, which skimmed the top of the bar.
Nothing really came off for Jagex, and Long Road came more and more into the game. Eventually the ginger terror broke through in the center of the area and was fouled at least twice, both being penalty worthy. The Rangers' player stepped up to finish the penalty smartly into the bottom corner. Half time saw no argument between Pete Lovell and Dan Crick - a new one on me.
The second half saw Ash reverting to play for Long Road, and whilst he hadn't been too shabby for us, he really started turning it on for them. We had our famous complete turn off after half time, literally willing Long Road to score from kick-off. After that we exerted a brief spell of dominance. The football on the left here was sumptuous, as Danno and Usman inter-played well before Pete Lovell hit a thunderbastard of a strike into the bottom corner. 2-2, very unexpected, and Long Road were rattled. Their manager shouted some expletives or some such to encourage them from the half-way line.
Simon Lait had some possession in the centre, and with the familiar wingers of Danno on the left and Sweatman on the right playing the ball in the vague direction of big Pete, things were looking up. A Rangers attack briefly resulted in some confusion as to whether it was a goal kick or a corner, with the ball having probably come off Daz. Rangers took it quickly and the ref didn't stop them. Sadly Jagex had switched off, and the ball came loose in the box before hitting Fardell (I knew, quite literally, nothing about this), and rebounding to a Rangers's player to poke in. Jagex felt a little hard done by, although Long Road are one of the more sporting teams in the division, so perhaps it was just a misunderstanding.
Jagex again came back into the game with a good interchange between Jamie Brooks and Danno, which saw the latter scarper free into the left corner. He delivered an absolute peach of a cross to the far stick where an unfortunate Rangers defender headed it home. 3-3 and three comebacks.
Jagex then held our own for much of the game until there were only 18 minutes to go. Pete Simmonds was having a great game in the centre, Jamie Brooks had slotted in well at left back and the ginger Rangers' lad had gone quiet. Dan Crick was even enjoying being a centre back.
Then disaster, followed by calamity, followed by horror. Jagex switched off a bit from a throw and a Rangers player galloped through. Fardell hesitated and stayed on this line, allowing the Rangers player to finish well. Three comebacks in one game was impressive, four was a bridge too far (top film). Almost straight from the kick-off, Rangers galloped down the left, freed a player and he turned the ball across the box to an unmarked Rangers player to slot home. 5-3 and it was pretty much all over barring the shouting, especially with 10 minutes to go.
At this point something very strange happened. The Ginger fella spent much of an attack commentating in real time, John Motson style, whilst also participating in it. I cannot impress upon you as to how odd this is to listen to, especially when he shifted between the first and the third person, like Tolstoy trying to emphasise personal perspective, "Rangers are running up the right, he skips past one, past two, he looks for the deadly striker... I'm here, I'm here.... but sadly his ball doesn't find it's mark and it's a Jagex goal kick...". Weirdo....
Fardell tried to make up for his earlier cement booted behaviour by making a couple of one-on-one stops and turning round a stinging effort, but it was already too late. He didn't help his cause by coming off his line, juggling the ball and throwing it back at Ash, who, not believing his luck, unselfishly squared it for another player to finish. 6-3. It really wasn't my best game... sorry lads.
There was still time for a late volley from Lovell that the keeper did well to tip over, some good play from Danno and Usman, and Jamie Brooks tried to restore some pride with a few hefty tackles at the back. The Ginger then finally, finally, executed his weird Cruyff turn thing and finished smartly from close range. 7-3. We all agreed to stop.
7-3 beats the 9-0 smashing they gave us in colder climes earlier this season, but it's almost worse when we were in with a sniff, and matching them man for man, for upwards of 70 minutes.
The final action, was on the walk back. Daz decided to go and remonstrate with the American Footballers as they were playing on his Gaelic Football pitch. As he got near, he realised that a rather attractive blonde was filming the weird American game, and so decided to be less aggressive and slightly more charming and inquisitive. For what reason, I shall not speculate.
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