Jagex Crush Cosmos

Jagex 3 - 1 Cambridge Cosmos Thirds

Team - Fardell (GK), Ben Walther, Gaz, Irish Darren, Scottish Dave, Danno, Gilly, Ryan Winfield, Glenn, Sweatman, Pete Lovell. Subs - Jacob Coles

Jagex continued their return to form with a scrappy doo of a 3-1 win over Cambridge Cosmos thirds. 

No Dan Crick this week, so pre-match "top bantz" was kept to a minimum. I did have a slightly odd chat with Darren pre-match where he referenced a previous match report and informed me that he is from the "Island of Ireland", so I had to get it right next time. Clearly a geography fan, that one. It was nice at least to return to the slightly grassier fields of Coldhams Common this week, after the horticultural horrors of the previous week.

Also, another week, another re-jigged team. We may well have one of the most varied squads in Cambridge, with some players turning up week in week out, some playing once in a blue moon, and some playing even less frequently than that. We are eternally searching for the new Piers Morgan, who was our stalwart play maker last season but has, sadly, caught a form of leg disease that is previously unknown to medical science. This week we even had new, improved, not-at-all-hungover Danno: rather than I-got-really-wrecked-last-night-lads Danno. They look deceptively similar in appearance, except one is slightly more green.

The first minutes of the game were incredible as Jagex took the lead almost right from the off. A quick Cosmos attack from kick-off ended up looping into Fardell's hands. He booted the ball down field where Glenn picked it up, muscled his way through and picked out Sweatman on his left. Sweatman, makes no mistakes when put clean through, and he dispatched the ball low to the keeper's left.

Slightly shell shocked, Cosmos struggled to exert any pressure on the ball. Gilly had traded his usual job refereeing for a role as play-maker in midfield, ably supported by Ryan and Glenn. Each took it in turns to start attacks with the others covering, and Jagex retainED control of the initial exchanges, with Danno and Sweatman offering overlapping options on both wings. Darren and Gaz slotted nicely into centre back, with one loud and one quite a bit quieter - although little troubled them early on. Walther found himself at his usual preferred position of right back and started a few attacks following exchanges with Sweatman or Glenn. Scottish Dave had been shunted to left back, but made early good use of his right footed abilities to free Danno on a couple of occasions with looping balls over the top. It was all Jagex.

Cosmos came into the game a little more after about 15 minutes, with one attacked falling fortuitously through for a one-on-one, which Fardell did well to smother. One of their players with a great bit giant mop of blonde hair, held back with a rather fetching elastic band, was a dominant force in midfield. In keeping with his chirpy nature, Darren christened him the dancing queen, and marked the hell out of him. Most of the Cosmos shots were poor efforts from distance, and they were struggling to probe or penetrate at all. 

The Jagex second came from a set piece. After we won a couple of decent corners, which were well delivered by Danno and Sweatman respectively, but cleared, the ball found itself out on the right. An interchange between Glenn and Sweatman saw the latter fouled. Walther was keen to take the set piece, but was ushered off the ball by Gilly. Darren chirped in, as ever, with a comment that suggested their keeper couldn't catch a cold. Gilly responded to this by placing a great high ball into the centre of the box, Lovell leapt like a gazelle evading a lion, and directed the ball into the goal using top of his noggin, giving the keeper no chance. 2-0 and barely 20 minutes gone.

Cosmos reacted well to going further down, fashioning a few more chances and some possession, although most of their efforts were long range hopeful punts rather than genuine decent chances. They got back into the game after a bit of a comedy moment from Fardell - again racing out of his goal but getting nowhere near the onrushing player on the right side. Gaz cleared for Fardell, but unfortunately the ball pinged about a bit and found it's way to a Cosmos player who let fly with a great shot that nestled in off the inside of the post. Buoyed by their goal the Cosmos players really stepped up their game. Jagex responded in kind, and the tempo really kicked up at this point, with both teams really pushing the accelerator peddle. Some neat attacks down the left from Dave and Danno were complemented by a few driving runs from Glenn and a great little move from Ryan. Sadly lots of the Jagex attacks ended up being over-hit down the middle, with the keeper claiming easily. Each time their keeper was asked to deal with a pass-back, Darren chirped in with "lift it keeps" despite being about 80 yards away. He always has something to say.

The high tempo lasted till half time, but it didn't result in many actual clean and clear chances. Shortly before half-time, I had a wonderful personal moment which I thought was worth sharing. A dog walker, who looked deceptively like David Bellamy, wandered past the back of my goal and said, very loudly in my direction, "I wouldn't want to be you". I'm not entirely sure which aspect of 'me' he wouldn't want to be - I'm hoping he just didn't fancy the look of being a very cold goalkeeper on Coldhams Common on a Sunday morning, rather than anything more personal.

Half-time, 2-1. The second half saw Sweatman come off and Jacob Coles come onto the right wing position. Jagex didn't completely switch off from the restart for the first time this season, and actually started the second half in ok fashion.  Jacob was fouled within minutes of coming on by a rough shoulder barge earning a free kick. Cosmos weren't happy with the referee and let it be known, even though he was their choice of referee. A point of note is that the referee was a dead ringer for Santa in almost every respect. In fact, I think we may well have discovered what Santa does in his off season.

Cosmos fashioned an early chance when a player skinned Dave down the Jagex left, made space and delivered. Walther did just enough to put the striker off, and he scuffed his shot, allowing Fardell to make the save. With their tails up, Cosmos won a few challenges and probed. Daz and Gaz both reacted well to the pressure, putting in some solid challenges and clearances. Fardell held onto a few crosses and through balls cleanly, and Jagex just spent time soaking up the pressure. Ben then had to leave the field of play for work. Ben Walther is a council employee that deals with residential issues and disturbances. This weekend was noisy cats apparently, so he toddled off, took a call and re-assured someone that the evil cats would be silenced. He gets paid £30 extra for his trouble at weekends. Not bad work if you can get it.

Sweatman came back on in place of Ben, and settled into a free role in the centre. Ryan pushed to right back for a bit and executed some of his trade mark heavy tackling. Jacob was seeing some action down the right, and helped earn a couple of corners. From one of these, for the second week running, the opposition started a full blooded attack through the middle. Fardell raced from his goal and judged the interception perfectly this time, smothering the ball with his chest just outside of the box. Cosmos had seen nothing really for all their pressure, and tempers frayed a bit amongst their players.

At this point, somehow, the ball ended up with Glenn in the box, I think it was via Danno or Gilly. He held on well to fashion a half chance, and after the ball pinged about in the box for a bit, it fell kindly to Jacob Coles at what we shall call the "Dirk Kuyt distance" of 1 yard from the line. He finished with aplomb, and that was more or less that. Cosmos earned a couple of free kicks from the re-start, both in dangerous positions, but the delivery was wanting in each instance.

There was still time for two curious occurrences. Gaz plays a lot of football, and he had to dash off before the end to deal with his other game of football for today. Two full lots of almost 90 minutes in one day! Another re-shuffled saw Gilly shifted to centre back, Walther came on at right back and Ryan pushed into midfield. Cosmos created one more chance of note, when, for the second week in a row, Fardell allowed the opposition to engage in the soccer am crossbar challenge, watching in statuesque fashion as a long range shot over everyone rebounded off the crossbar but away to safety.

So it ended 3-1 to Jagex. My final thought, Cambridge Cosmos is an odd, and probably slightly ambitious team name.