Team - Fardell (GK); Walther, Henniker-Heaton, Balls, Minney, Danno, Winfield, Simmonds, Harris, Sweatman, Lovell - Subs - Scottish Dave
Jagex drew 2-2 with Zebra FC this week in a well contested and exciting game.
Whilst I am near certain that the team chose their name based on the fact they'd picked up a bargain basement black and white kit from Sports Direct, it's not the African animal name I'd choose to strike awe into the hearts of the opposition. I mean, Lion FC, Tigers United, even Elephant Athletic would give the opposition a sense of foreboding, but Zebra FC. I mean, a Zebra is basically a stripey horse that Lions like to eat.
Anyway, I digress. We were delighted to welcome back Jens Henniker-Heaton this week from his three week sojourn to Australia. He's come back carrying a few extra pounds (barbecues and beer no doubt) and an incredible Olof Mellberg lookalike beard. We had something close to our strongest XI, if you take out the fact that Piers Morgan can't play. Zebra and Jagex have had some good tussles in the past, so we expected a tough game.
Jagex started on the front foot, with Pete Simmonds and Dave Harris seeing lots of the ball, and Ryan Winfield helping start play from deep. There weren't really any clear cut opening chances, except when Mark Fardell took his awful goal kicks, with the linesman sparing his blushes with one close offside. Pete Lovell was being a handful up front and Jens Henniker-Heaton and Arran Balls had slotted in nicely alongside each other. Wayne Minney was at the unfamiliar position of left-back, but was linking up with Danno well, and Walther and Sweatman were linking up well down the right. So far, so cohesive.
Jagex didn't create many clear cut changes, as with the wind in our favour, lots of chances were being over-hit, and passing harmlessly through to their keeper. Harris had clearly been on his own in the park the day before practising, as he repeatedly managed some successful Cruyf turns whilst retaining control of the ball. Bravo Dave, bravo.
With the balance of play slightly favouring Jagex, something wonderful happened. Harris picked up the ball on the left by dispossessing one of their number, and sent a raking ball over to Walther on the right wing. He pinged a first time ball to Sweatman, who picked it up and brilliantly danced into the far right corner before whipping a low ball all the way across the box to Danno. Danno took his time and hit a great little shot to the right, but the keeper did extremely well to partially block it with his left leg. In keeping with the African theme, Pete Lovell charged through like a rampaging rhinoceros, and then leapt with the daintiness of a gazelle, before bullying the deflected ball into the net via a chest or shoulder. The keeper could count himself unlucky, but it was a great move, thoroughly deserving of a goal.
Zebra came back strongly, earning a free kick near the edge from a Balls foul. This was belted through, evaded everyone, and somehow Fardell held on. Zebra attacked from the resultant goal kick down the Jagex right, and Henniker-Heaton slid to the intercept the ball, in the process showing most people his rather fetching pants. Walther made one rampaging run on the overlap, teeing up with Sweatman nicely to create another chance before a tactical change from Lovell saw Sweatman off, Scottish Dave on at right back and Walther pushed up to right wing. Walther and Fardell exchanged words about a seemingly innocuous incident. Henniker-Heaton used his hammer of a right foot to take goal kicks and free kicks, but most were too deep to cause any trouble.
Zebra continued to press, causing Minney a bit of trouble on the left. With the "which way should I be going" radar slightly befuddled he ran directly towards his own goal, before Fardell snuck in and put it behind for a corner. The resulting corner wasn't really cleared before getting pumped out to the left. Balls and Minney combined to concede a free kick near the corner flag. The ball was delivered, bounced in the six yard box, and was nodded in unchallenged by a Zebra centre forward. Fardell and possibly one of the centre backs were the culprits, but it was a good delivery, one of many good deliveries we faced from corners and free kicks. Fardell then raced off his line (shock, horror!) to clear one before half time came. This half time didn't feature Dan Crick - so there was no terrible banter between Lovell and Crick - and tempers didn't flare in the Jagex team talk - a pleasant change.
Jagex started the second half woefully on the back foot, as we have for many a second half, and concede a series of four of five corners, which were all well struck, but evaded everyone except Henniker-Heaton's head. Fardell managed to palm one corner behind for another corner without anyone noticing except the referee.
Jagex finally got their foot onto the ball and Danno skipped down the left before earning Jagex a corner. From the delivery, Balls found himself on the end of it, but somehow it went over. Zebra then carried on where they had left off, with Lovell spending of his time defending rather than attacking. Scottish Dave earned a good chance down the right, skipping past two of the opposition number and teeing up Winfield to earn another Jagex corner, but nothing came from it other than a Zebra attack. Fardell was alert and came off his line and out of his box (twice in one game!) to clear one, before the rebound was picked up by the Zebra centre forward who let fly with a daisy cutter which Fardell did well to hold onto. Peter Lovell started holding up play a little better, and managed to feed Danno, Simmonds and Walther on the overlap in a series of attacks.
At some point Walther came off to be replaced by Sweatman on the right. The ball made it's way into the right corner, was delivered and a Zebra player raised his hands and pushed Pete Lovell. I'm not sure what he think he was doing, as Pete is quite big and fairly angry, so pushing him is not good for your health. The referee was certain it was a penalty. Who would take it, one wondered, Captain fantastic and all round forward Lovell. Danno, Simmonds or Sweatman? No, it fell to centre back Henniker-Heaton to step up use the power of his manly beard, and slot it to the keeper's left.
The injustice of a penalty spurred Zebra on, and they attacked, and attacked and attacked. Several more corners were mercifully defended. Minney was crunched at some point, and Ryan, Simmonds and Sweatman did a cracking job helping out in defence at different points. Zebra earned a free quick that was walloped with some venom down the middle, and Fardell used his legs and hands to stop it, and miraculously hold onto it.
Sadly, all the pressure from Zebra paid off. A ball ended up on the right, was pinged across to the left, was missed by all defenders (one of whom did a wonderful air kick) and one of the three unmarked Zebra players pinged it into the right of the goal with a soft but accurate shot. It was the least they deserved for dominating much of the second half, and came with a couple of minutes to spare. Jagex woke up and tried to attack, with one ball sending Harris clean through. If you look up "woeful" in the dictionary, next to it there may well be a little video of Dave's attempted left foot finish.
Danno was then sent scurrying through with a great ball from someone [Insert Name Here], before unleashing a cracking left foot strike against the corner stanchion. The final action of the game saw Dave Harris once more in a great position. If he'd squared it to Pete, Jagex would have won 3-2. As it is, he tried to bend it into the far corner, and it went sadly wide. There was even time for Walther to hit a great little cross onto Pete's noggin, but sadly Pete couldn't convert.
So it finished, 2-2. A good game played in the right spirit, and probably a fair result all told, since Zebra deserved something from a game where they had managed to exert so much pressure. There was also no needle in the game.
Sadly, this might be Dave "Chopper" Harris' last game. We'll be sad to lose him. He can snort curry better than any man we know, has good feet for a big man and occasionally engages in good banter on an evening out. We won't missing his shooting ability though. Seriously.
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